have an OK day

Children are such gifts from God. A child's laugh, or smile, or slightly off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", or their ear-piercing screams at 3 o'clock in the morning that last until 4:45, or their projectile bowel movements that necessitate bed changes every other day (your bed, not theirs)...

I feel so incredibly selfish and horrible right now. I'm an awful Aunt. I have a... well, she's beautiful in her own way (babies come along after awhile), niece who is healthy even though most of the time, with her constant grunting and groaning sounds like she is not. She has ten fingers and ten toes, she can finally hold her head up straight, and her baby acne is coming in full bloom.
Why can't I help but feel like a horrible person for being irritated every time she defecates on my bed?
Good heavens, I'm building this to sound as though the child wears no diaper, but I assure you that the contrary is quite the truth. Her mother has not yet been properly trained in the method of drop-cloth diaper changing.

My home has been over-taken by nap time, feeding time, bath time, and bed time. I have a new alarm clock: my two year-old nephew (The famed Cheech Meister) who faithfully drags me from the depths of sleep every morning by climbing on my stomach and yelling "Monkey! Monkey! Wake up!" -- Sometimes he supplements this by counting to ten in Spanish or by asking to watch the Curious George movie trailer on Quicktime. He's my hero.

Somehow, over the course of the past 6 or 7 months, I have become the most selfish and narcissistic person that I know. The trouble is, I'm torn between feeling really enamored and feeling really disappointed. What a dilemma! Finally, the chance to be completely self-absorbed! The chance to up my potential wit at least 65% (it's a well known fact that the funniest people on earth are all supreme narcissists)! Finally, finally, finally... and I feel so guilty that I can't even crack a smile, let alone an admirable joke.

Kids.
BAH!

This is a really shitty web log.
I defy myself. Really.

I would move on to more interesting subject matter, but this is all I've got these days: screaming, pooping infants; moody two year-olds, four over-hyper and loud, barking dogs; a cat that likes to spill kitty litter all over creation and lick my toes while I use the toilet, and a wing of the estate that's under construction... I've got nothing else.
No wonder I'm self-centered, there's far too much else to focus on. It would be way too difficult and probably take too much time. But hey, isn't that what narcissism is all about?

You know, this isn't half bad actually.
I don't care if you're the center of your universe as long as I get to be the center of mine as well.

Currently listening : The Trial of the Century By The French Kicks Release date: By 04 May, 2004

daydreams involving alejandra

Alejandra says:

Hey love

Mónica says:

hola

Mónica says:

What’s up?

Alejandra says:

want to hear something weird?

Alejandra says:

I found out that Eric Hilton, the man who puts the thievery in thievery corporation, is dj-ing a set at 18th street lounge on Saturday

Alejandra says:

Jay and i have a party that night, but i know he would love to go

Alejandra says:

so i told him about it, and he's like "awesome, but i don't know if we'll be able to make it"

Alejandra says:

anyway, i go on the 18th st website to see if i can figure out better in terms of time, when eric will be doing his set

Mónica says:

Yes…

Alejandra says:

so i didn't find any info but i signed up for the dc mailing list

Alejandra says:

(this is all last night)

Alejandra says:

ok

Alejandra says:

So this morning i get an e-mail from a so-called Mat Whittington responding to my sign up for the list that says “you going to be at the lounge on Saturday?”

Alejandra says:

and i thought he wanted to know if i wanted to be on the list

Mónica says:

That’s interesting…

Alejandra says:

so i write back and say: "yes, i'm hoping to make it, but my friend and i have a party earlier that evening. hopefully we'll be able to go later if we can get in"

Alejandra says:

and he replies "should be a good time. too bad i won't be here..."

Alejandra says:

and i was like "why are you missing it?"

Alejandra says:

and he's like "have to go to london and france for work. I leave tomorrow. Tough break, i know, but i always enjoy eric's sets."

Alejandra says:

anyway we keep writing back and forth and i'm like "do you always reply to all the strangers that sign up on the guestlist?"

Alejandra says:

and he's like "well i respond to everyone with a generic greeting, but i dont' joke around with them all. Just the ones with interesting names..."

Alejandra says:

anyway we kept e-mailing – talked about where we grew up, our favorite bars, favorite brunch places.

Mónica says:

Good heavens

Alejandra says:

lol

Alejandra says:

yeah but get this

Alejandra says:

i Googled him

Mónica says:

Naturally

Mónica says:

Who is he? Some major record exec?

Alejandra says:

he's the Label Manager for Eighteenth Street Music

Mónica says:

Holy crow. Of course.

Mónica says:

I should know him, I think.

Alejandra says:

i know!

Mónica says:

How come you now know him and I don’t?!

Alejandra says:

he's awesome

Mónica says:

How come you have your awesome web-editing job and I don’t?!

Alejandra says:

Moe, don’t hate.

Mónica says:

Alejandra, why have you stolen my life?!

Mónica says:

WHY?!?!?!?!

Alejandra says:

i'm a pod person

Mónica says:

A POD PERSON?

Mónica says:

HA!

Alejandra says:

you sound so dramatic in caps

Mónica says:

Maybe I should start wanting to be a journalist… NO NO NO

Mónica says:

A FOOD CRITIC! YES!

Alejandra says:

HA

Alejandra says:

YES

Alejandra says:

we can trade lives

Mónica says:

Yes, and I’ll start meeting all these great food critic type persons… just by coincidence!

Alejandra says:

it's so weird though

Alejandra says:

that i'm just chatting with this guy

Alejandra says:

while listening to his music

Alejandra says:

very strange

Mónica says:

Give it ten years time and I’ll be disguising myself to eat in the hottest new restaurants, ping-ponging back and forth between LA and NYC and you’ll be up to your ears in A&R reps and entertainment lawyers, putting up hot new bands in swanky hotels that are worth way more than their music!

Mónica says:

And then we’ll call each other after ten years, just to catch up (because we’ve been so incredibly busy with our respective, flourishing careers),

Alejandra says:

of courrse

Mónica says:

And you’ll say “I don’t know how I got into this… when did this happen?! I don’t even like these bands! Whose idea was it to bring back disco anyway?!”

Alejandra says:

HAHAHHAHA

Mónica says:

And I’ll say, “I know… I’ve lost so much weight in the past few years. I hate food now. I just want to eat jell-o all the time. And macaroni and cheese with hot dogs cut up in it… where did my life GO?!”

Alejandra says:

mmmm i love mac and cheese and hotdogs

Mónica says:

And then we’ll agree to quietly and secretly switch jobs (knowing of course that this would work because our voices sound identical over the phone and no one on the planet – not even our parents – would ever know the difference).

Alejandra says:

HAHAHAHA

Mónica says:

And we won’t tell a single soul…

Alejandra says:

except for our hot husbands

Mónica says:

Of course, I am forced to change my name to Alejandra Jorge

Mónica says:

And you to Monica Natacha

Alejandra says:

Natacha!

Mónica says:

Well, yes, our husbands would know.

Mónica says:

But by this time, really, I would be so gaunt that I would have resorted to lesbianism

Mónica says:

And you’re married to Scott Stapp, whom you’ve grown incredibly weary of because all he does is whine and question existential issues all the time.

Alejandra says:

By the way, I love that you've managed to include your dream of being a waif

Alejandra says:

Wait, Scott STAPP!?!?

Mónica says:

Yeah. Sorry. He was the worst I could think of.

Alejandra says:

God, i hope i have more imagination that that

Mónica says:

No! Wait! Benji, from Good Charlotte!

Alejandra says:

hmmm

Alejandra says:

Nick Lachey?

Mónica says:

NO

Alejandra says:

please?

Alejandra says:

damn

Mónica says:

He’s a nice guy who just happened to fall into a bad situation that snowballed. First 98 Degrees, then Jessica Simpson… the world is NOT his oyster, believe me.

Alejandra says:

i'll hook you up with the brunette from TaTU

Mónica says:

You’re a gem. A real friend, Alejandra.

Mónica says:

Fine, you can have Nick Lachey.

Alejandra says:

Yay!

Alejandra says:

he'll still be getting alimony from Jessica, who will be running a home for abused wives with Britney Spears (formerly Federline)

Mónica says:

You know Alejandra, you ALWAYS insist on having the best in these daydreams while I am continuously sacrificing a happy and prosperous life…

Mónica says:

You end up with Enrique Iglesias, and Nick Lachey

Mónica says:

While I end up with random Dave Josslyn and the mediocre half of a sucky lesbian duo.

Mónica says:

DAVE JOSSLYN!! In lieder hosen, nonetheless!!! And with his strange brother/cousin/nanny!!!

Alejandra says:

Whatever Moe. At least you get to be really skinny.

Currently reading : Dry : A Memoir By Augusten Burroughs Release date: By 01 April, 2004