As of late, we have depended on mild forms of entertainment in the office. Argh...
Moe: If I ever get a boat, I'm going to name it... "Your Mom"
Amanda: (laughing because it's way too late and we've been at the office far too long)
Moe: And then, when people ask me where I'm going I can say: "for a ride... on Your Mom"
Moe: Gregory, there is a one dollar bill in my bed with me.
Gregory: That is amazing! Do you think that maybe your body is producing dollar bills as you sleep? If that's the case, I'm definitely on my way over there...
Moe: I'm not sure, but that's the most fantastic thing I've heard in a long, long time.
Gregory: Well, it's a slow road to financial freedom, but at least it's SOMETHING. I mean, take the Sally Struthers approach: for just the cost of a cup of coffee a day...
Moe: I swear, if I get ONE MORE infection in this eye...
Amanda: You're going to poke it out?
Moe: No!! I'm going to get a glass eye; one of those fancy deals with the Schundler for Governor Reform logo painted right on it. That way, everytime I go to shake hands with Doug Forrester or John Murphy I can stare them right in the eye with that shit!
Amanda: I'm going to put on the hugest gala this state has ever seen. I'm going to have 5,000 people there!!
Moe: what if there's not enough room at the Atri...
Amanda: I don't care! I'll have people outside, in the freezing cold, busting down the doors to get in! Bob Schroeder, and Doug Forrester, and John Murphy, and Diane Allen will all be out there, freezing, trying to peek in. And it WON'T be the cold air blowing off the Hudson that makes their teeth chatter that night!
Amanda: Moe, we have all these young, male volunteers coming in and it's all because of you!
Moe: No, no, no... Amanda, don't be ridiculous. Please. Are we being honest? Let's be completely honest...
Amanda: Moe! I am being honest! Think about it: why would all these guys be coming in unless there was a hot girl here to keep them entertained?! Why else would they be hanging around unless they had huge crushes on YOU!
Moe: What?! I look like POO... with orange hair!
Amanda: I'll tell you what... I'll go ahead and buy your line. But only as long as the money doesn't go to support your habit of being an ASSHOLE!
Christopher: The name Chris just pisses me off. I hate it.
Clarence: My son's name is Chris.
Chelsea: My best-friend's name is Chris.
Moe: My sister's name is Cris.
Clarence: So basically, what we're telling you is that we're about to jump your ass... Jersey style
Moe: Chris, you're not in Kansas anymore...
Amanda: Awww... shit on a stick!
Moe: You know, for a cop, traffic duty is sort of like prostitution.
Amanda: What the hell are you talking about?!
Moe: Well, I mean, there's just no honor in it, you know? Just no honor.