Monday, May 10, 2004

Bumbie's Mom

I killed Bumbie’s mom last night. Well, I didn’t kill her with my own two hands or anything quite that grotesque. Actually, I didn’t really kill her at all. It was my brother, JC. He didn’t do it on purpose, it was all an accident. A big, fat, juicy, horrible accident. Coterminously, he killed Bumbie as well. Alright – enough with the Bumbie bit. If you have never been hooked on Animaniacs like I was, then you won’t get it. So forgive me.

JC somehow convinced Kelly and I to go out with him last night and look at a car that he planned on purchasing. A real “fixer-upper” and a steal at $500. we looked at the car, it was fine. A ton of work had already been done on it. The interior was mint and the outside was all prepped for a new paintjob. The body was immaculate. JC was jazzed. Pretty jazzed, if I do say so myself. We floated most of the way home in good spirits. JC was playing his favorite song on the hi-fi.

As we motored home, a deer (bumbie’s mom) ventured out into the dangerous road as JC was veering through each curve like a skilled driver, one of those guys who drives for the Acura commercials, on a closed course and whatnot. Anyway, he was maneuvering the Volkswagen through each curve when the deer decided to cross his path. Squealing of tires, screaming, the car turned this way sharply, then that way even more sharply and then we made contact. The deer flew, flew hard. She flew FAR. She could have made the cut for one of Santa’s 8 the way she was flying. Goo and other not-so-pleasant-deer-innards sprayed everywhere. Our windows were open. All of them. Poor JC. His car is pretty banged up. Bumbie and his mom were dead and quite dead (respectively) on the side of the road. I couldn’t open my door. So I waited. I waited while JC kicked the side of the car and screamed in frustration as (I’m sure) he thought of how he had just planned to sell this car and now he couldn’t. I waited as one, no two cars stopped and offered help (?). One man offered to call the police. JC yelled at him. Kelly made him apologize and say thanks for stopping. All this excitement going on and all I could was sit there in the car and WAIT. Pretty irritating if you ask me.

So we finished the rest of our journey home where we dug up a flashlight. We took a few minutes to inspect the damage, all of us crouched down on the ground, squinting, waving the smoke from our eyes (yes, the car was smoking. It was amazing). We had to pry the hood open with a crow bar. It was fascinating. I finally grew tired of inspecting the damage and went inside to blow my nose. Damn allergy season.

I feel really bad for JC, but there’s not a thing that I can do for him at this point except price parts on ebay and see if I can find him a real steal. Hopefully, he’ll be able to repair the damage for just around $1K. He can do all the labor himself, it’s just about finding parts. *sigh*

Poor Bumbie. Poor Bumbie’s mom.

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