Tuesday, January 04, 2005

litmus pest

Oh simpletons and friends (simple friends... friends simply), hear me!

I decided quite some time ago, most likely when I was in 4th grade and found myself perpendicular to a fanny pack, that I am just really not cool.
I also, however, came to the conclusion that no one really is.

I can recall being confused by the actions of my uncle some years ago. He is my mother's youngest brother, 10 years my senior. I always thought he was pretty cool, mostly with it (whatever "it" is). His hair, his clothes, his car changing with whatever fashion and style had to offer, he was fairly hip. I guess. I thought. Maybe. Perhaps (what the hell am I talking about? I was 10. I thought he was sooo kewl).
My confusions arose a few times over the years however; my confusion over his coolness (kewlness). Not just with his decision to perm his hair sometime around 1984, nor only with his sudden use of eye-liner around 1987, but also (mostly) with his blatant hate for technology all through the nineties.

Email! What a cool, new thing! Right? WRONG. Email is the devil.
Cell phones! Awesome, just like Zak Morris, right?! WRONG AGAIN.
So, Email... it's the devil, right? BING!
And cell phones, they're pretty much the bain of society, right? BING AGAIN!
What about Dave Matthews Band? Too Trendy.
New Beetles? Too new.
Ace Ventura? Overrated.
Argyle Socks? Nerds are "in". No thanks.
Although I've fallen prey to it on more than one occasion, I have more often than not been completely mystified by the fact that it is indeed hip to be square. In fact, hipper to be square than to be hip, if that makes any sense at all.

Sooo... I'm pretty square.
But in the not hip way.
On most things anyway.
On some things I'm square because it's actually square, which in turn makes it hip.
On other things I'm hip, which makes it square because it's not hip to be hip.

** I'm fairly certain that I've never said hip so frequently in such a short period of time. **

I gave up a long time ago.

I like my cell phone and hate to be unreachable (but I really hate blackberries, PDA's and anyone who talks loudly on their phones in public places).

I admittedly am a huge advocate of email (but I know very much the special quality that snail mail holds and write more letters than anyone else I know. Honest to goodness, personal letters).

I occasionally fall prey to internet jargon such as btw and brb (however, I absolutely abhor the use of "lol" or "lmao").

I listen to Dave Matthews Band, own 10 Things I Hate About You on DVD, travel with a neck pillow, shop at Wal*Mart, don't drink coffee, enjoy Maroon 5 (it's a guilty pleasure... whatever that means), and am not taking any sort of medication.

How can I survive (you might ask)?!

I've come to terms with the fact that I am a dork.
But wait... oh shit. Dorks are in right now, aren't they?

Currently listening :
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
By U2
Release date: By 23 November, 2004

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