Thursday, June 10, 2004


Today my skin doesn't fit. I don't fit. I'm stretching, nay, pouring out of my skin. I'm too big for this frame. My mind is reaching out beyond my physical existence and touching everything outside of the self that I have known for quite some time.

And it feels great to stretch.

When I do not fit in my own skin, it can feel terribly awkward. A spotlight shines brightly and shouts my deepest secrets to the whole world. The light uncovers me and exposes every crevice, every mark, every blemish. My body shakes and quivers with a nervousness resembling 3rd grade humiliation. Times ten.

Vulnerability unmasks my egotistical motivations. It forces me through a process that I would otherwise never force myself through. Shockingly, amazingly, fantastically I come out clean, unfettered, whole.

This past weekend was good for me. Awkward. Vulnerable. Terribly humiliating even, but good. Sargeant Pepper good. Tootsie Roll good. Various 90's pop culture trends good. I'm glad that I went. I'm glad that I evolved into this new thing that I am.

Who am I kidding? I'm just a kid, who watches cartoons and eats too much ice-cream in one sitting (enough to give me a belly-ache even). I will resort to biting if I am losing a wrestling match. I will wear two unmatching socks if the washer ate one. I will eat pudding with a fork if there are no clean dishes. I will give the camera my middle finger if I think it will be funny. I will flip my eyelids inside out if provoked.

I am not deep.
But I'm really not shallow either.

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