Friday, April 23, 2004
And so it has come to this. The point where everything is questioned. Why am I doing what I'm doing? If this is not IT then why am I here to begin with? Argh - so incredibly and disgustingly cliche. It's funny how you despise something your entire life and then finally arrive at the point where it is simply inevitable, you MUST become what you hate because everyone else on the planet is and for a damn good reason too. Shit. I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling trapped by something that used to be such a huge part of me. Well, technically it is STILL such a huge part of me, just not as voluntary as before. I'd say that before it was a huge part of who I was - now it is simply everything that I do. I eat, breathe, sleep campaign and I don't want to. I don't want it to consume me. Quite frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn anymore and I hate that too. This is not my life's work. It is not to take control over every ounce of my being. Life is to be pleasant and commodious, not bogged down and hindered. My life's work has GOT to be something other than this. Something beyond all this bullshit. Bush will lose, Bret will win, la-di-da.It sort of sucks that it's come to this. Hmmm.... yeah, it sort of sucks.