Sunday, April 25, 2004

You know you've lost your corporate sheen when...

What a blissful weekend. I had thoughts of skipping down to DC this weekend but then backtracked when I realized that I had not been home really all week and I was completely exhausted. I really needed to just spend some time doing nothing and seeing no one. Talking to not a single soul. I've changed quite a bit in that manner. I remember when I was 15, my Aunt Martha - my father's sister - bought me a t-shirt that said "Help! I'm talking and I can't shut-up!" (remember all those t-shirts that were so terribly popular in the mid-nineties. Perhaps I'm remembering incorrectly, but it seems to me that everyone was constantly running around with all these t-shirts and their incredibly witty yet irritatingly stupid messages: 'My husband said that if I didn't quit shopping he would leave me... I will miss that man', or 'Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?', or 'I suffer from CRS: can't remember shit')?I digress...I did it again - I bought a few more new books. Lolita (which I've been wanting for a long time anyway) and Speaking with the Angel - a collection of short stories. I justified buying this because I figured I never have time to read entire books and short stories would fit a little better into my hectic schedule.I'm going to go down to DC next weekend I think. Apparently there is some sort of party at the Helix. Of course, any party seems like a pretty meager excuse to spend all the time and energy driving down to the District, but this particular party comes at Dr. Brian's suggestion and is being held at the Helix, which really balances out the hideousness of it all. Don't you agree? Good. Agreed upon then. I just finished a blowpop and again, as always, spit out the gum. What is it about that sickeningly sweet, powerpuff pink gum that I just have never been able to tolerate? Not quite sure. Most likely the sickening sweetness and powerpuff pinkness of it. Logic. LOGIC!I'm cracking up at the seams and I'm ashamed to say that I almost enjoy it. It's a new phase of life, something more to observe, learn from, live by... my co-workers don't appreciate it in this way though and why the hell should they? I have a job to do. I've decided though (as recently as TODAY) that I"m going to do that job to the best of my ability. I'm going to do it. Enough with my whining and complaining and overly complacent attitudes. Enough with apathy and general laziness. Enough with being such a damned baby. I am strong even in my weakness. I am bold and tenacious. I am a lover, not a hater. I am a rock, or an island, or other good things that Art Garfunkel said (or any other strangely big-haired music artist). That felt good. I needed that. I'm going to sit down and read for a bit and most likely fall asleep in the process. The sky is a steel-grey today and big fat rain drops have been descending from the heavens for quite a great deal of time. The earth is sloppy and moist with celestial tears and it is making me crave warmth and soft light, and fuzzy socks and even Bigelow French Vanilla tea. I am craving Miles Davis... yes, it is a Miles Davis day. I need Kind of Blue right now - that would make everything complete. Gracious, I love this - mind you, when it comes at the right moment. Today, it has arrived at the right moment. God bless America.

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