Monday, April 12, 2004

mi familia es mi vida

Mom's side of the family is such a train wreck. It makes me sad - and as sad as it makes me, I know it makes her much sadder. She's tried for so many years to be the peacemaker, but they've never taken her seriously. They make fun of her and criticize everything she does. She's the fool, the clueless one, she's naive...

quite frankly, it pisses me off. I hate the way my mom's family is - like distant acquaintences rather than brothers and sisters. My cousins don't know me; don't know that I want to go to art school, barely know that I've been working in politics for the past 6 years, didn't even know that I lived in Indianapolis for two years. And even worse, they don't care. Lord knows that we try. We all try to break past all the awkward conversation at holiday times. We try to give hugs and sometimes even go as far as to throw out an "I love you" only to be met with cold and half-heartedly open arms and a weak, even semi-schocked "love ya too" in return (if they respond verbally at all). I know that they think we're weird, that we're freaks. We are freaks who are freakishly close to one another. We hug eachother, and even kiss eachother. We snuggle on the couch and watch movies or go for long car rides together. We spend time with one another and hang out on the weekends. My siblings are my built-in friends. When the going gets tough, thank God I have family.

Mom said the meanest thing this morning and I think part of it was said out of hurt for her own family and they way that they treat us and respond to us. But she said that the same thing would happen to all of us as we get older. How dare she?! How dare she say such a thing! WHY would she say such a thing?! I think it's important that all five of us make a commitment that this thing, this hideously unbearable thing of growing apart and not knowing one another, this thing of the bitterness, resentment, jealousy, hate WILL never happen to us. We have latin roots. We will be strong and vigilant forever! Our lives will inter-mingle as long as we walk the face of this Earth. Our children will be best-friends with one another. We will love one another. And even if we are someday living at the five points of the earth, we will anxiously anticipate the next coming together that we will all have because in between, we will miss one another so desperately that thoughts of eachother will bring a tear to the eye, a quick sob, a sleepless night...

I can't bear the thought of us growing apart. I would rather one of my siblings dead than estranged. We will all be GREAT! We will make our parents so proud. We will be George Washington, Bill Gates, The Beatles, Mother Theresa!!! We will be the greatest people to ever walk the Earth. We will change the world, we will end terrorism, we will revolutionize science, we will shake and challenge the legislative powers that be, we will be presidents, and astronauts, and surgeons, scientists, and really cool moms. And while doing all this, we will still love eachother madly, and deeply, and get together for cokes and smiles every chance that we get. No, this terrible thing will not happen to us. We are Navarro's.

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